Sunday, August 1, 2010

...

Some days are harder than others.
So in June when I found out that I was pregnant I was so excited because there were lots of people/bloggers that I knew that were pregnant and almost everyone else that I knew had just had a baby.  One of my good friends and several other bloggers all found out they were pregnant within a week or two of the time I found out. I was also excited about that because I had people I could compare my pregnancy to any people I could complain to and not care because they were complaining right back.
Now, everyone else is still pregnant but I'm not.  I get to see their updates but have none of my own.  I just get to sit and think, "my baby could have been like that right now".  
I love seeing my friend's updates.  I'm happy for them.  Any baby is exciting.  It just hurts because I know my baby will never get to reach those milestones.
I still get emails from a few websites with weekly updates.  They all go to my spam folder right now.  I still haven't gotten around to unsubscribing  or going to the sites and taking my baby off of there.  I'm gonna have to soon though.  Cause the more emails and stuff I get the sadder it gets.
I don't really know the point of this post, that's why it doesn't have a title.  It's just one of those things I wanted to write and get out there I guess.  It's weird how things that used to be so private for women, exept for maybe their inside group of friends, are now put out into the internet.  For who ever to see.  It doesn't bother me that I write things like this for others to read.  It's just interesting the way internet has changed the way we all are.
I would like to end with a bible verse that I really enjoy reading when I'm having a hard time.  I like the hymn that was written from this verse too.   It's a very upbeat hymn and it always puts me in a better mood.

 "I will love You, O LORD, my strength.
 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
         My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
         My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
 I will call upon the LORD, 
who is worthy to be praised;
         So shall I be saved from my enemies."
-Psalm 18:1-3

2 comments:

Amy Matthews said...

I'm crying for you. I'm crying for me too. I can't know what it feels like for you but I too feel the loss, though surely on a much smaller scale. I am comforted by the thought that your littlest one is in the presence of the Almighty. We will meet them in the morning as the song says.

We love you. Maybe if a few months you and I can complain to each other! All in God's time.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry. I dealt with few miscarriages before my successful pregnancies. It seemed that everyone else around me was pregnant. I get the I'm happy for them, but hurting for me thing. I hope that soon you have wonderful news to share. Prayers are with you.